Choosing to Love Yourself - guest blog by Divine Divas

Imagine this. You’re in a photography studio, you have just had your hair and make up done, you still have a glass of bubbling prosecco in your hand, and you’ve just walked into the room where you will have your photoshoot. You look around and see a crushed pink velvet chaise lounge, a bed and various lighting equipment. The photographer gestures towards your changing room - this being the place where, ultimately, you will strip down to your favourite lingerie and have your photo taken by a perfect stranger.  

What you’re imagining is a scene from a Boudoir studio.

Boudoir Photography is, essentially, what I have just described there. It is the act of having your photo taken, often in lingerie - but sometimes in a dress, or a leather jacket, or whatever outfit makes you feel the most authentically, confidently, YOU. The question people often ask is - why?

The reason differs for every person who has been in to us but there are common themes - women who feel a bit lost, who feel they have become ‘Mum’ or ‘wife’ and want to discover the real ME again, women who are on a journey of embracing their bodies and want to experience Boudoir as a fierce act of self love, women who are celebrating a special occasion and who are looking for something daring and new; people, such as our non-binary and gender fluid clients, who, similarly, use the experience as a reminder to love themselves, always and without question, or sometimes women who are adjusting to scars from operations and are gently learning to love their body - and it’s changes. 

Every woman who comes to us has a story - but here are just a few of our very cherished Divas who have come to us, with their story, in their own words.

Jenn: Divorce, Breast Cancer… and reminding myself of the amazing woman I am

“In 2016, I was newly divorced. It was the end of a 17 year long relationship and I found myself a single mum to two young girls. I suppose like a lot of ladies, I was feeling a bit lost and trying to boost my confidence. I happened to come across a Facebook advert for Divine Divas and just thought it was something I had never done before that would very much put me out of my comfort zone - and also seemed a little bit exciting. So I took the plunge. 

Everything was new. I’m not somebody who wears makeup - I had never worn fake eyelashes until that day! Plus I’m not comfortable having my photo taken at all - but I loved every second of that day. 

Then on the 23rd March, just as the UK was going into lockdown, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. In Mid April I went into hospital and had a mastectomy - because of Covid the option to immediate reconstruction wasn’t there. It is probably an option I would have taken but it wasn’t there and I was really concerned with how I would feel waking up being flat one side and how it would impact me, emotionally.

My surgeon has done a brilliant job and my scar is settling nicely - but quickly after my surgery I felt I needed to do something to give me a boost and remind me that I am still amazing - and that’s why I returned to Divine Divas. 

What I wanted to show and celebrate was my strength - to remind myself I am still amazing, and I did that. I have ended up with artwork that, when I’m 90, and I’m sitting in my rocking chair, and I’m old and grey, and gravity has set in, I can look back and think, yes, there was a time when you absolutely rocked it.”

Steph: I hated the way I look… I needed to find my own beautiful.

“My name is Stephanie and I’m from South Wales. I have actually had two Boudoir Experiences. Life was very different before my first shoot. When I came up for my first shoot I was three weeks after a major operation from a hysterectomy - I’m actually still recovering from that. I just needed a boost which is why I spoke to the team about helping me get through that.

The first time round, going through the experience, the planning consultations, it was very hard but it opened my eyes to a lot of what other people were saying about me - that I am good enough the way I am, I just couldn’t see it. 

Previously I hated myself. I hated the way I looked. I had tried everything. At one point I was very ill and, at my darkest, felt suicidal. Part of that was because of the way I look. I was very anxious about having this done - driving to the Boudoir studio I was so worried; I nearly turned around so many times but I found myself in the carpark. 

But Divine Divas make me feel so much better about me. I know I am going to have bad days but after having this done, and working with my friends, I just feel better about me - that I am good enough, I am beautiful, I am this person that people say I am. 

This experience has taught me that you do need to think better about yourself. You are beautiful. Beautiful isn’t what other people see, it’s what you see. You deserve to treat yourself, you do deserve the best in life - and that deserves confidence. Afterall, if you don’t treat yourself kindly, it impacts what you can do for others too.”

Julia: Healing after the loss of my husband, and finding myself again

“My husband was very ill and for 18 months I was his carer, alongside working full time. I didn’t have time to think about myself at all - it was just doing what I had to. Eventually, when he passed away, not only was I grieving the loss of my husband, who I was married to for over 30 years, I also found I had just lost my identity. I didn’t know who the real ‘me’ was any more. 

My confidence had been knocked - I had lost that person who was always there to tell me I looked good when I needed it, even when I was just in my jogging bottoms - and I was struggling with finding my identity as an individual. My husband was a big community man and for so many years I had been walking in his footsteps - as his wife, or as a Mum - I needed to do something which was about me, about who I am, and just something to help me feel sexy and attractive again.

Leading up to the experience I was so nervous, but also, admittedly, excited. My main concern was that my children wouldn’t like what I had done, that they’d be embarrassed, but the photos are so tasteful. I have wall arts and they don’t even blink an eye when they come into my room!

The experience was just so friendly - I didn’t have any expectations but it was like my wedding day. I was so taken up with the whole experience - the hair, the make up, the conversations!

Afterwards I was just on a high. When I saw those photos I could see the person I had lost. They gave me the confidence I didn’t think I would find again. 

I look at my photos, like the ones with me laughing with my red wine (me and my husband used to sit on the sofa after work and share a bottle) and I see the happy, care-free real me - whilst also honouring and remembering my husband. 

They empower me to move forward in life. When I wake up and see my wall art in my bedroom, they tell me not to beat myself up, they let me know ‘you’ve got this’. ‘This is who you are.’

Jay-Louise & Andrew: Boudoir Helped Save our Marriage

“We truly believe that Divine Divas helped save our marriage. The first time I came in for my shoot alone. We had separated, I'd lost all my confidence and my marriage had fallen apart. What with us both working, having three kids, family commitments and dealing with day to day life we spent no real time together and over time it just fizzled to nothing. So when I turned up for my shoot I was nervous. I felt as though I wasn't desirable (which my husband had never said, I just didn't believe his positive comments anymore)…then I saw the photos.

I just couldn't believe them. They were elegant, beautiful works of art. I was shocked. Although we weren't a couple any longer I showed Andrew. To which he stated 'well of course they're stunning. You've always been beyond words to me.' With that things changed.

A few months later we did a couples shoot. A year after that, we renewed our wedding vows. Granted it has taken a lot of work, but we do feel that Divine Divas helped us to see that our relationship is just as important as everything else going on.

For me alone, it brought out a long lost part of me that so desperately needed to be brought back out. She had been forgotten for far too long. For us as a couple. It helped bring back the passion, the fun, the appreciation we have for each other.”

Reasons and stories differ but what is common is that most of these women have been on a journey of some sorts. Boudoir, for these them became an opportunity to self-reflect, to ask what is important to them, to ask what they love about themselves, to ask who the person is that they are celebrating.

You’re also setting a precedence to those who love you that it is important to look after yourself. You’re building your confidence so that you’re empowered to make healthy decisions, to leave toxic relationships, to chase dreams (whether it to be embrace your body and wear a bikini on a beach without fear or go for that promotion) and, ultimately, you’re making the brave, bold, daring decision to CHOOSE to love yourself. And if that makes you a Diva, well...so be it.

If you want to find out more about Divine Divas and Boudoir, head to our website here.

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We’d love to answer any questions you have and find out more about you - so if you’re interested, book a call using this link.